Yep… I can picture the posturing of my nouveau boho homo married friends right now as they envisage this post to be a horrendous apology for human trafficking. “There’s more to being gay than just random fucking,” they might say, and they may well be right. I wonder if they realize how patronizing they sound as they insinuate that I’m merely playing out a ridiculously infantile arrested development? It’s almost as if they can’t hear themselves moan on to me about their relationship troubles as they flit from one self-induced crisis to the next. Have I really failed as an adult because I’ve managed to avoid all of the drama? From house dramas to pet dramas, to ‘he said, she said’ dramas; you know, emulating the worst aspects of bourgeois mediocrity doesn’t necessarily make you an adult.
If you’re still of the opinion that people should never pay for sex; well, it might be worth considering the fact that,
EVERYBODY ENDS UP PAYING FOR SEX!
Consider the financial distributions within your own relationships. Are they even? I’m sure you love each other very much, but how many times have you thought of gritting your teeth and finishing him off for a decent nights sleep? What exactly does that early morning blow-job buy you? However much you try to deny it, to a degree, your relationship follows the laws of consumption just like everything else in our capitalist world. If you are taking your lover on holiday to Sitges, buying a gift, moving into his apartment while you tend bar to develop your career as an actor… Whatever it is… We may paper over the cracks with the language of love but the specter of exchange lingers.
There is always ‘quid pro quo‘, and sometimes I would rather give an extra couple of quid to a pro.
On my last trip through Thailand, I had decided that I’d had enough of all the DJ Station bullshit bar boys that inhabit Silom and Boys Town. So, I had decided to take the professional option. The great thing about money boys in Bangkok is that they are pretty easy to locate if you happen to have a hotel room in Sathon and access to Grindr, Jackd etc. It’s shockingly easy to indulge the privilege of your foreign currency, and probably a good idea to leave your privilege of guilt at the airport. It can be disconcerting to think that you are buying another person, but when you really think about the other respectable options such as; dinner, drinks and a taxi fare home, everything adds up.
Now we have the internet.
Anyway, I had been messaging Mr Lion for quite some time and we had built up a very steamy rapport. He had been flirting with me since he had spotted me earlier that day in the gym and he had been upfront about his status as a money boy. I respected this immensely. He was charming and courteous and he took very good care of himself; call me a sentimental old queen, but these things are pretty important. It’s not that I’m attracted to stereotypically good looking physiques, usually I’m not, but I am a sucker for a good salesman and if the product you are selling is your body, then it turns me on that you take pride in your work.
Now, I’m not really a fan of reducing everything in life to a series of lists and bullet points, but unfortunately that’s the world we live in, so here is my guide for the best ‘Way To Be at Fucking Money Boys’.
Be Careful! In most countries it is illegal:
I know, in these hyper-textual days it is impossible to take the rule of law seriously. Deep down we all know that if you can afford the lawyers, you can get away with murder. Yes, if you happen to be a Saudi prince for example, you can get caught red handed beating your man toy to death in a top London hotel and still fly home in a few years. But for the rest of us mortals, the law is the law, and paying money for sex is pretty much frowned upon – despite the fact that the industry seems to be thriving wherever there are men (there are currently no laws regarding prostitution in Antarctica). Essentially, you need to be careful about this. Even in countries that are ostensibly quite relaxed and tolerant (such as Thailand), be discreet and whenever possible use a fake name, and buy a cheap disposable phone. FYI , as a general rule of thumb; never, repeat, NEVER contact the police in Thailand if you can avoid it. It will be expensive as they will undoubtedly try to extort cash.
If you are going to treat yourself to a dirty weekend with a sexy stud, don’t cut corners on the essentials. Make sure you pack everything you want to ensure you don’t get bored. Take a selection of toys, lubes and poppers as well as plenty of good quality condoms. It’s really important to get a lot of good condoms, whether you are topping or bottoming, you know you can feel the difference and you don’t want to run out. I always have at least 20/30. That way, if you stop for rests during a long session you are never going to run out. Personally, I really like the Japan Sagami original 001.
Be Friendly and Polite:
I had spent a lot of time chatting to Mr Lion online, and this is pretty important for several reasons. Firstly you’re setting a mood and this is all about having a good time. The less you make it feel like a business transaction, the more enjoyable it is – unless of course business transactions turn you on (in which case you are probably destined to spend the rest of your life weeping alone in an ivory tower). Secondly, in Bangkok particularly, you need to sign in local guests, so it’s great if you can actually get along like old friends. Also remember your guest is required to leave their passport/ID card at the reception, so try not to get his name wrong. I had met Mr Lion in the bar before taking him to my room. We had chatted and laughed and flirted. He looked really great and was very relaxed and friendly and pretty soon we were heading upstairs to my suite.
You would think that this is pretty obvious on many levels, but judging from many of the horror stories I hear emanating from the gay scene in Bangkok – it isn’t. Even after a few drinks, your judgement is impaired. You need to be aware of what is going on. Some of these guys have very little money and are more than happy to steal whatever they can. Also, it’s worth noting that crystal meth is widely used in most major cities in Asia on account of it being cheap and easily available. It’s not my thing, but if you’re going to go down that route, as many people do, make sure you have a hotel room with a good quality safe (I have heard many stories of things being stolen from the room safe while the guy was passed out), or better still leave passport and large amounts of cash at the reception – and get a receipt. As it is Bangkok, hotel rooms are really quite cheap, so I had booked another hotel room in which to meet Mr Lion for the weekend – thereby leaving all of my valuables and money safely stored. It seems excessive, but for the peace of mind it’s really worth it. Also, I like to fuck in a lovely room with a huge bath. I’m such a princess sometimes.
Be Assertive, but make sure he Enjoys himself too:
This is where the whole ‘good rapport’ thing pays off. It’s great to be totally indulged and receive pleasure. But it’s also incredibly fulfilling to give someone else pleasure. I had spent the weekend with Mr Lion trying to ensure that he was getting something out of the experience too. I understand that this is a problematic concept; I mean, who the fuck do I think I am, Richard Gere in ‘Pretty Woman’? And for all I know he could have been bored to tears, right? But, if you are relaxed enough to talk about things, find out what turns him on too. Mr Lion said he liked his nipples to be licked – so I spent a lot of time flicking his nipples with the tip of my tongue and I could feel his cock pulsing harder and harder. This paid off for me in the end when he fucked me nice and slow for several hours, working his way into me deeper and deeper.
Deception is the name of this game; so don’t delude yourself. I had a whole weekend of fun with Mr Lion, but that is it. Mr Lion has sent me the odd message on Grindr asking when I am next in town – but I just put that down to him being very good at his job. I was a great customer and I even left him a hefty tip. I would see him again, but it’s business, it’s fun. I have seen far too many men become attached in these situations and end up in some pretty unhealthy relationships. It’s probably not a good idea to see the same guy more than once, but if you do, think of him as a masseur or your favourite barbour and keep it on that level.
Hey, I don’t mean to sound like a nanny-state fun killer, you are free to do whatever makes you happy. I’d be the first to admit I’ve made some pretty strange life choices, but I’m just offering you the benefit of my experience. Whatever you decide to do, have fun and take care of yourself because you are beautiful. I’m busy for the next month or two, but I will be posting again in the new year from Asia.
Should you be stuck for a Christmas present, you can get a limited edition copy of my collection of short stories which has been banned in most countries in Asia from as little as $8.99 from Amazon, or $3.50 downloaded to your Kindle. Follow the link below for more details.
Have fun and I’ll see you in the new year.
All my love Mr E. x x